Signs that your limits are being crossed: examples and how to deal with them (2023)

Ignoring your "no," doing the opposite of what you asked for, and making fun of your requests are all signs that your limits are being pushed. Knowing when someone is crossing the line is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships.

Boundaries are essential to human connection and personal safety. They protect you, establish the rules of engagement, and allow you to maintain your individuality. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, mental, material, or related to time.

However, not everyone respects the boundaries of others. And sometimes you may not know that someone has crossed the line. but this is importantyou teach others how to treat you.

Here are the telltale signs of broken boundaries and how to deal with someone who crosses the line.

Codependency refers to a specific relationship dynamic in which one person puts their own needs aside and the other tends to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

conflict preventionmiplease peopleare common in codependent relationships. Among other things, these behaviors can indicate difficulties in setting and following limits.

Feeling resentful of things you do for the other person, even if you volunteered, is also asigns of codependency.

"If you're upset because you accepted someone else's expectations, that person may have violated your personal boundaries," she explains.Bryana Kappadakunnel, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. "Often, people feel that if they don't sacrifice their limitations for the needs of others, they won't be wanted, loved, or valued."

You have set your limits, but the person continues to act that way. Having to set her boundaries repeatedly can be an indicator of a boundary violation.

"You have to constantly defend, explain and justify the reasons for the limitation," he says.Angela Sitka, MA, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Santa Rosa, California. "If you meet a person who doesn't respect your boundaries, they probably won't accept them at first sight."

Sitka explains that ignoring their boundaries can be conscious behavior or unconscious forgetfulness if they have low self-esteem.

"You may want to mention it multiple times, ask questions, and examine the limit, even if you clearly explained the limit the first time," he adds. "It might even sound like a déjà vu conversation."

You've defined and explained your boundaries, but they keep breaking them. Now you also express how you feel and they continue to behave in a similar way. This is another example of a boundary violation.

"A key sign that someone isn't respecting your boundaries is if they don't stop acting out after you've expressed your discomfort," she says.quinelle hickman, a licensed individual and couples therapist in New York City.

(Video) How to Know if Your Boundaries are Being Crossed

Hickman explains that complaints can include:

  • "Do not stop!"
  • I do not like that
  • I don't want to
  • I would rather not
  • i'm not ready to do this
  • what makes me feel (insert negative emotion)

"If you've basically asked for something to stop and someone is trying to talk you out of it or continuing to engage in activities that you oppose, these are signs that they aren't respecting your boundaries," she adds.

Maybe you haven't given much thought to the signs that your limits are being pushed. But you know that you feel uncomfortable or that something is wrong when that person is around. This can also be a sign of broken boundaries.

“They come into your room and you feel uncomfortable. Whether it's in physical, emotional, or mental space, if you're feeling uncomfortable, it's probably a boundary violation," she says.Katie Lorz, LMHC, Trauma and Relationship Counselor for Women at HGCM Therapy in Washington.

"You're physically uncomfortable. They may have sweaty palms, an upset stomach, a racing heart, elevated body temperature, or claustrophobia," says Lorz. "This is their body's natural response and signals that things feel uncertain and that a line is being crossed." ".

In addition to the physical symptoms of discomfort, you may also have trouble processing your thoughts and emotions when that person is around.

“You may find it difficult to think clearly or have racing thoughts. You may be feeling frustrated, angry, or unable to make decisions," adds Lorz. "You may start to avoid social situations, take extra steps to avoid the person, or worry about interacting with them."

Being in a relationship with someone who constantly crosses the line can cause you to experience mental health symptoms. Lorz says this can include:

  • distress, Includingpanic attacksmiAgoraphobia
  • Depression
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  • Paranoia

"Checking your thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions is a good way to determine if you're crossing a social line," Lorz advises.

One sign that someone is not respecting your boundaries is stopping or changing the conversation when you share something important.

"For example, if you're trying to share your thoughts and feelings with a loved one, [but] they keep talking about you, interrupting a conversation, or stopping in the middle of the conversation," says Hickman. "effective conversationsRequire that all parties allow adequate time to speak, consider each other's points, and pause when necessary. When conversations aren't approached fairly, it's a sign that you or your partner aren't respecting boundaries."

Sometimes it's hard to consider other people's intentions when they say things "in jest" or when you're not sure if they're "just kidding."

But sometimes humor canmanipulation tacticsIt is used to cross the line.

Sitka explains that a sign of broken boundaries could be "acknowledging or minimizing the needs that led to the edge." [For example] “Oh come on! My late-night calls won't bother you so much. You sleep a lot!'"

(Video) How to Handle Crossed Boundaries

Handlingit could also be a red flag, says Sitka. This could include saying things like "You're too sensitive. Lighten up!"

Someone may not only ignore your requests, but also try to change your mind about your limits. This can be done in a number of ways, from making fun of their reasons for limiting themselves to feeling guilty about pushing themselves to the limit.

They may tell you how much you've changed, how sensitive you are, or that someone else would never "do" that to them.

They may blame you for not loving them enough or for not being there when they need you.

You can also use thesilent treatmentoGeistevery time you break the record.

This could all be an attempt to keep breaking your boundaries and manipulating you into thinking you're right.

What kinds of boundaries are non-negotiable in a relationship?

"Behaviors that indicate physical, emotional, and sexual abuse should never be negotiable in a relationship," she advises.DR. Cynthia King, Psychologist, a clinical psychologist in Asheville, North Carolina.

King offers these examples of non-negotiable boundaries in a relationship:

  • Physical violence (hitting, shoving, shoving, holding, holding)
  • block your exit
  • extreme jealousy
  • you need to know where you are at all times
  • You have to check in several times during the day.
  • isolating yourself from friends and family
  • demeaning and demeaning comments
  • harassment
  • sexual violence (rape,marital rape, coercion, pressure)
  • controller behavior

"There may be some other things you don't want to trade," says King. “You may have some hard limits due to past trauma or other life experiences. You need to be clear about what these things are and immediately communicate them in your important relationships.”

Experts agree that limits are about you, not other people. You have no control over anyone's behavior, but you can make decisions and act according to your needs and desires.

"A common misconception about boundaries is that someone else is crossing them," says Lorz. “One of the most important parts of border work is understanding thatOfthey are responsible for maintaining their boundaries with another person. your limits arearenurture, communicate and honor".


“The first step concerns you and only you. You have to be clear about what your values ​​are and what limits you stick to because of it, ”says King. "Second, if someone is violating your boundaries, I encourage you to use itsecure communication.“

(Video) How to Create Consequences for Repeat Boundary Violations - Terri Cole

Expressing your limit and how it feels when you cross the limit is essential to establishing it.healthy relationships.

"When a person's actions, beliefs, or communication seem like a boundary violation, it's important that they know and respect their boundaries," says Lorz.


King provides these limit setting examples:

At work:"I can't go to the office on Saturday. I reserve the weekends for my family."

With your mate:"It is important to me that you do not share the details of our conversations with your brother. That makes me very uncomfortable."

With your son:"Please don't sit on mommy's lap. Mommy's body needs a break. I'd be happy if you'd sit next to me on the floor and we could play Lego."


Lorz recommends checking how safe it is to confront the person who has crossed the line.

"If it's safe to tell him, be direct, kind, and clear about your boundaries and how you'll respond when a boundary is crossed," she says. "If telling them feels unsafe, seek the advice of a trusted friend, family member or therapist to help you create a plan to show the person their limits."

Suppose you feel that confronting the person might jeopardize their safety. In this case, Lorz says, it's important to "protect yourself, stay out of contact and, if necessary, take legal action by getting a protective order or injunction, or filing a police report."

compromise and negotiation

Not all boundary violations are the same. It may be worth talking to the other person about those who don't take care of their safety and integrity.

"You may need to get to the bottom of the importance of crossing the line and find another way for [them] to meet their needs in the relationship if that's the reason for the pain," King says. “That's the negotiation/commitment part. And you only trade things that are tradeable.”

Behavior change

What happens when you have committed, explained and demanded your wishes more than once? A change of strategy may be necessary.

"The best thing to do is refrain from any behavior that allows you to be disrespected," Hickman suggests. "Once your behavior changes, your loved one may try even harder to make things go back to the way they were."

Hickman says they can distance themselves from you, haveemotional outbursts, or switch to full trading mode.

"If you're clear, firm, and consistent with your boundaries, you'll see a change in your loved one's behavior over time," she says.

If not, it may be time to disconnect or distance yourself emotionally.

"Although some situations require compromises, don't risk your luck," advises Hickman. “As crime increases, so does your negative emotion in teaching a person that they can get away with it. Save yourself the pain in the long run by setting clear, firm, and consistent boundaries and walking away sooner rather than later.


To deal with those who don't respect boundaries, Sitka offers a strategy ofDialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): CAROMAN.

(Video) Interview For Upcoming Documentary "Hidden In Plain Sight". Exorcism Questions Answered

The acronym summarizes seven steps to deal with someone who crosses the line:


How can you explain what is bothering or bothering you without judging or blaming?

"When we have you home recently, you often mention that we should parent differently when Sam throws a tantrum."

to express

Can you express your feelings and thoughts about the situation using first person statements?

“Being a new parent has been stressful for me. Listening to opinions and judgments about our upbringing worries me”.


Can you clearly say what you want and don't want the other person to do?

"I wish you could come and enjoy time together without giving us advice on what to do with our parents when she throws tantrums."


Would you highlight the benefits of your order?

"I'd be relieved and supported if I could handle his tantrums without worrying about the comments about how I'm a parent."

mindful focus

Can you focus on your needs?

"I know you understand how stressful being a parent is. I trust I can enjoy our time together more peacefully without parental feedback."

look confident

You can change your body language, tone of voice, andmetacommunicationto show your certainty in your position?


Are you open to other solutions to the problem?

"How about I ask for your opinion on other parenting issues that come up? I know you have great potty training ideas!"

professional support

Setting and respecting boundaries in new relationships can be a trial and error process for some.

“Boundary violations are not uncommon in relationships. They are often a sign that a communication breakdown is occurring and can be remedied simply by taking the time to talk openly and set clear boundaries in the relationship," says Lorz. "If that doesn't work, enlist the support of a therapist, counselor, mediator or a trusted third party can help.

Is breaking boundaries in relationships a reason to end them?

"I definitely don't recommend having a hard and fast rule of ending relationships once a threshold is crossed," says King. "When a limit is violated, both parties learn."

Sitka recommends asking yourself these questions before ending a relationship due to a boundary violation:

(Video) What To Do When Parents Cross Your Boundaries (Example of A Toxic Mother Crossing a Boundary)

  • Did you clearly communicate the threshold and expected/desired behavior to the person?
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how distressing is it when your limits are violated?
  • What are the consequences (good and bad) of ending the relationship? How willing are you to face these consequences?
  • Have you exhausted all other ideas, judgments, and possible compromises that might best resolve this border violation without a full shutdown?

How you feel and how much effort you have put into defining your boundaries can also help you decide.

"It's important to realize that repeated boundary violations can cause deep emotional damage," says Lorz. "If your boundaries are being ignored or challenged and you've tried to communicate them without success, it may be time to end the relationship."


What are examples of boundaries being crossed? ›

Ignoring your “no,” doing the opposite of what you asked, and mocking your requests are signs your boundaries are being violated. Knowing when someone crosses the line is key to maintaining healthy relationships. Boundaries are essential for human connection and personal safety.

What is an example of disrespecting boundaries? ›

Here are some examples of what unhealthy boundaries may look like: Disrespecting the values, beliefs, and opinions of others when you do not agree with them. Not saying “no” or not accepting when others say “no.” Feeling like you are responsible for other people's feelings and/or happiness.

What are 3 examples of boundaries? ›

What are personal boundaries?
  • physical contact (not feeling comfortable hugging a person you've just met)
  • verbal interactions (not wanting a friend or family member to speak down to you)
  • our own personal space (choosing to not have others in your home when you aren't there)

What are the 7 types of boundaries? ›

7 Types of Boundaries You May Need
  • What boundaries do you need? ...
  • 1) Physical Boundaries. ...
  • 2) Sexual Boundaries. ...
  • 3) Emotional or Mental Boundaries. ...
  • 4) Spiritual or Religious Boundaries. ...
  • 5) Financial and Material Boundaries. ...
  • 6) Time Boundaries. ...
  • 7) Non-Negotiable Boundaries.
Apr 23, 2020

How do you deal with someone overstepping boundaries? ›

Talk About Overstepping Boundaries

It can be a stressful and uncomfortable conversation to have, but if your coworker is constantly stepping on your toes, you need to let them know. Remember to be polite, but stern, and use specific examples in your conversation so it's clear to the coworker what you're talking about.

How do you overcome boundaries? ›

5 Effective Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries
  1. Visualize and Name Your Limits.
  2. Openly Communicate Your Boundaries.
  3. Reiterate and Uphold Your Boundaries.
  4. Don't Be Afraid to Say No.
  5. Take Time for Yourself.
  6. How Much Time You Spend Together.
  7. Setting Physical and Sexual Boundaries.
  8. Respecting Emotional Boundaries.

How do people respond when you set boundaries? ›

When you start setting boundaries, or changing existing ones, you should expect that you're going to get a range of negative responses or reactions. Responses can range from simple resistance or pushback all the way to hostility or even threats. Guilt and shame are distinct emotions.

What do weak boundaries look like? ›

Signs of weak boundaries

You're frequently overscheduled, busy, and tired because you didn't set limits. You may be saying yes to things that you don't really want to do, that don't match your priorities or values, or that you simply don't have the time or money to do.

How do narcissists cross boundaries? ›

When you set such boundaries, narcissists may cycle through their repertoire: arguing; blaming; minimizing your feelings; acting like a victim; saying that you're too sensitive; or becoming rageful. While such tactics can be unpleasant to endure, your boundaries are not up for discussion.

What are the five types of boundary violations? ›

There are other variations of boundary violations, but watching for these 10 in your own life is a good place to start.
  • 1) Lies and Deception. ...
  • 2) Manipulation. ...
  • 3) Gaslighting. ...
  • 4) Harassing, Nagging, Arguing, Convincing. ...
  • 5) Taking Advantage of a Child, Dependent Adult, or Older Adult.
Oct 18, 2021

What are two examples of boundaries? ›

Some examples of personal boundaries might be:
  • I'm cool with following each other on social media, but not with sharing passwords.
  • I'm comfortable kissing and holding hands, but not in public.
  • I'm okay with regularly texting, but I don't want to text multiple times in an hour.

What are examples of being disrespected? ›

  • Shaming, humiliation.
  • Demeaning comments.
  • Spiteful behavior, backstabbing behavior.
  • Constant distorted or misrepresented nitpicking/faultfinding.
  • Censuring staff in front of others.
  • Medical “education by humiliation”
  • Insults or insensitive jokes or remarks.
  • Misogynistic comments.
Apr 24, 2014

What are examples of lack of respect? ›

Interrupting someone before they are done speaking. Making rude, snide or belittling comments. Seizing control of a situation or project by means of intimidation. Sighing or making facial gestures while someone is speaking.

What are the 4 types of personal boundaries? ›

In this blog post, I'll explore four different types of personal boundaries that I've established in my life (physical, mental, time, and financial), why they matter, and where to start with setting your own.

How do I know what my boundaries are? ›

How to Figure Out Your Boundaries
  1. Tune into your emotions. According to Howes, the strongest indicator of our boundaries is our emotions. ...
  2. Tune into your thoughts. ...
  3. Ask others. ...
  4. Get clear on your values.

How do I know if I have unhealthy boundaries? ›

Top 10 Unhealthy Boundaries Orlando Counselor Shares
  • You aren't honest with others when you feel you're not being treated right. ...
  • Letting other people define you or give your life meaning. ...
  • Saying “no” makes you feel guilty or like you letting people down. ...
  • Trying to please everyone around you just so you can feel needed.

What is the difference between a boundary and controlling? ›

The difference between control and boundaries is that control is meant to make others what you want them to be but boundaries make it safe for us to be ourselves. A primary aggressor will not respect boundaries. If a survivor tries to set boundaries, it may very well increase her danger.

What questions help set boundaries? ›

Some questions to assess how you are doing with time boundaries are: Do I feel comfortable setting time limits? Can I say, “no,” without feeling guilty? Can I attend to other important aspects of my life (work, fitness, friends) without feeling pressured to be in constant communication with my partner?

How do you push through boundaries? ›

How to Push Boundaries & Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
  1. Initiate – do something no one asked you to do.
  2. Volunteer – respond when someone asks for help.
  3. Lead – be an informal / unofficial leader or mentor.
  4. Change – pursue a new opportunity.
Jan 20, 2015

How do you stay true to your boundaries? ›

How to Set and Stay True to Boundaries
  1. Become Clear in What You Want. The first step in achieving successful boundaries is to become clear in what exactly it is that you want. ...
  2. Start with Baby Steps. ...
  3. Practice Your Communication Skills. ...
  4. Be Direct and Assertive.

How do you respond to someone who doesn't respect your boundaries? ›

What if someone won't respect your boundaries?
  1. Decide whether this boundary is negotiable. ...
  2. Write down what's happening. ...
  3. Accept that some people will not respect your boundaries no matter what you do. ...
  4. Practice loving detachment. ...
  5. Consider limiting contact or going no-contact.
Dec 14, 2017

What do emotional boundaries look like? ›

Emotional boundaries involve separating your feelings from another's feelings. Violations include, taking responsibility for another's feelings, letting another's feelings dictate your own, sacrificing your own needs to please another, blaming others for your problems, and accepting responsibility for theirs.

What do strong boundaries look like? ›

Being able to say, "no," and accept when someone else says, "no" Being able to clearly communicate both wants and needs. Honoring and respecting their own needs and the needs of others. Respecting others' values, beliefs, and opinions, even if they are different from one's own.

What kind of person doesn t respect boundaries? ›

Unfortunately, people who are manipulative, narcissistic, and have a poor sense of self tend to repeatedly violate personal boundaries. One of the biggest challenges that people have with boundaries is figuring out what to do when someone repeatedly violates them.

What is the silent treatment narcissist? ›

Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort of negative message to the intended victim that only the perpetrator and the victim recognize through nonverbal communication.

Why do narcissists get mad when you set boundaries? ›

Many narcissists react badly to boundaries or violate them entirely. One of the reasons narcissists overstep boundaries is because it allows them to hold themselves accountable for any wrongdoing they may have caused, something they intensely dislike!

What do you do when a narcissist crosses your boundaries? ›

“When dealing with a narcissist, you should be assertive with your boundaries and make it clear to them what those are. For example, if you are not okay with something they want you to do, tell them up front and hold your ground. Don't let them pressure you into doing it anyway.”

What is an emotional boundary violation? ›

Emotional boundary violations include: Dismissing and criticizing feelings. Asking questions that are not appropriate for the relationship. Reading or going through personal and emotional information. Asking people to justify their feelings.

Is yelling a boundary violation? ›

You can't control other people's actions.

You can't yell at me anymore is not a boundary. You can yell if you want but if you do, I will leave the house for an hour is a boundary. A boundary is not a command. Boundaries are your rules for yourself, not your rules for others.

What is a behavioral boundary violation? ›

Boundary violations involve transgressions that are potentially harmful to or exploitative of the patient. They can be either sexual or nonsexual. They are usually repetitive, and the therapist usually discourages any exploration of them.

What are some examples of self boundaries? ›

But this list will give you an idea of what boundaries or limits for yourself might look like.
  • Sticking to your budget.
  • Limiting yourself to one hour of television per day.
  • No screens (television, phone) in your bedroom.
  • Not participating in gossip or talking about someone behind their back.
  • Not working past 7 p.m.
Aug 5, 2019

How do you shut down a mean person? ›

Another tactic to stop the spiral of rudeness is to simply call them out on their behavior and ask them to stop. If someone you can't get away from is consistently rude to you, you need to address the issue directly. There is no need for you to take ongoing abuse from anyone.

How do you respectfully disrespect someone? ›

Localize the problem as much as possible: If it's what they're saying, say that you disrespect that and only that.
Key points
  1. Disrespect is not the sin it's made out to be.
  2. Giving respect automatically can lack discernment.
  3. Walking away from someone is often the most respectful way for one to show disrespect.
Dec 13, 2012

What are scenarios of disrespectful behavior? ›

Examples of disrespectful behavior are walking away, talking back, refusing to identify self properly, rude behavior, spitting, and challenging authority. Any student removed from class for being disrespectful will not return to class on the same day as the written referral.

What are patterns of disrespect in a relationship? ›

Some behaviors of disrespect in relationships include nagging, criticism, stonewalling, lying, put downs, pressuring the other, disloyalty, and threats to end the relationship or marriage.

How do you respond when someone disrespects you? ›

How to Respond When You Feel Disrespected
  1. Let them know you're committed to always treat them with the greatest dignity and respect. ...
  2. Ask them about their intentions based on their behavior. ...
  3. Find a path forward and invite them to commit to a different set of behaviors.
Feb 25, 2020

How do you react when you feel disrespected? ›

Set a Boundary. Boundaries show the people around you how you deserve to be treated. Rather than expressing your anger, consider setting a boundary with the person who disrespected you. Simply saying, “Please don't speak to me that way” or “I'm going to step outside for a moment” puts the control back in your hands.

What is crossing someone's boundaries? ›

If you crossed a boundary, that means you did something someone considered inappropriate or upsetting14, 15, 16. A partner who is crossing a boundary might share personal details about you to a friend to seek comfort or flirt with another person6 but could be as simple as touching someone on the shoulder.

What is an example of overstepping boundaries? ›

Someone asks you an embarrassing personal question. Your friend shows up unannounced even though she knows you are having a romantic dinner with your boyfriend. Your jealous girlfriend asks you to provide access to your Facebook account so that she can check your private messages.

What does it mean when boundaries are crossed? ›

Overstepping boundaries means someone has crossed the imaginary lines we've created for ourselves. Here are some overstepping examples to give you an idea. Physical boundary: This is usually an easy one to tell. It's when someone has invaded your personal space, including your office, home, and even yourself.

What is crossing emotional boundaries? ›

Examples of violations of emotional boundaries are: Dismissing and criticising feelings. Asking questions that are not appropriate for the relationship. Reading or going through personal and emotional information. Asking people to justify their feelings.

How do you stop people from crossing your boundaries? ›

What if someone won't respect your boundaries?
  1. Decide whether this boundary is negotiable. ...
  2. Write down what's happening. ...
  3. Accept that some people will not respect your boundaries no matter what you do. ...
  4. Practice loving detachment. ...
  5. Consider limiting contact or going no-contact.
Dec 14, 2017

What are good examples of boundaries? ›

Some examples of personal boundaries might be:
  • I'm cool with following each other on social media, but not with sharing passwords.
  • I'm comfortable kissing and holding hands, but not in public.
  • I'm okay with regularly texting, but I don't want to text multiple times in an hour.

What are some examples of important boundaries? ›

What are some examples of healthy boundaries?
  • Ownership and agency over your financial assets.
  • The ability to stay true to your sense of self, spiritual beliefs, and passions.
  • Ability to prioritize personal time for self-care.
  • The right to change your mind and preferences.
  • Alone time with no distractions or interruptions.
Apr 13, 2022

How do you deal with boundaries? ›

5 Effective Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries
  1. Visualize and Name Your Limits.
  2. Openly Communicate Your Boundaries.
  3. Reiterate and Uphold Your Boundaries.
  4. Don't Be Afraid to Say No.
  5. Take Time for Yourself.
  6. How Much Time You Spend Together.
  7. Setting Physical and Sexual Boundaries.
  8. Respecting Emotional Boundaries.

How do you confront someone about crossing boundaries? ›

You can't control other people, but you can react to the situation in such a way that the broken boundary is clearly stated. Calmly let the person know that what they did wasn't okay. If this person continues to violate your boundaries, you may have to rethink the boundary or accept that the behavior will never change.

Is crossing boundaries a red flag? ›

Boundary crossing

Someone crossing your boundaries is a “huge red flag,” Reed notes. “Boundaries are something you put out there because they protect you, and they say, 'Hey, if you respect me, and you're gonna stay in my life, then don't do this.


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